


buffering

by snapchat (orphan_account)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Exes, M/M, Unconventional Format, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 01:45:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/snapchat
Summary: There's a new video in the queue waiting to be transcribed. It's titled, "Exes Talk About Why They Broke Up."





	buffering

[There are two empty chairs facing each other. The first person to take a seat enters from the left. He's wearing a too-large shirt. He doesn't say anything, only smiles, until someone from behind the camera calls his name—**SEUNGWOO**_-ssi_, they ask. _Would you like some water?_ He doesn't take it.]

[_Off-screen_] **DIRECTO****R:** Are you nervous?

**SEUNGWOO: **Am I supposed to be?

**DIRECTOR:** Well, when was the last time you talked to him?

[**SEUNGWOO** doesn't respond. The second person enters at that second from the right, bowing fervently to everyone, wearing an apologetic smile.]

**DIRECTOR:** Seungyoun, you're late.

**SEUNGYOUN:** Sorry, sorry! I woke up late! 

**SEUNGWOO: **You haven't changed, huh?

[Their eyes meet for the first time. **SEUNGWOO** is smiling. **SEUNGYOUN** smiles too.]

**SEUNGYOUN:** ...oh. Hi. [He pauses.] Long time no see. [A nervous laugh slips out.] You look... healthy.

**SEUNGWOO: **Healthy?

**DIRECTOR:** Dude. 

**SEUNGYOUN:** You look good, I mean. Sorry, I'm kind of nervous. Is that weird? Aren't you nervous, hyung? 

[**SEUNGWOO** doesn't have the chance to respond. Again.]

**DIRECTOR:** We should get started. Thanks again, guys, for dropping by on such short notice. Just have a few questions. You guys can answer them as in-depth—or not—as you want. It's supposed to be organic. No pressure. Don't feel like we're expecting anything in particular. If you need a break, let us know. Sound good?

[Both nod.]

**DIRECTOR:** Good. 

[One of the cameras whirs. The same voice from earlier that offered **SEUNGWOO** a glass of water clears her throat.]

**WHERE DID YOU MEET?**

**SEUNGYOUN: **School, I'm pretty sure. We had really similar friend groups. 

**SEUNGWOO:** Byungchan and Jinhyuk know everyone.

**SEUNGYOUN:** I found out hyung did really well in a class I was failing at the time so I kind of latched onto him. Like the common parasite. Made him help me.

**SEUNGWOO:** I thought it was cute. 

**SEUNGYOUN:** Yeah, I still failed.

**SEUNGWOO: **What? You told me you passed?

**SEUNGYOUN: **Well, I, you were so hopeful! I couldn't just tell you I failed! If it makes you feel any better, I was really on the edge. 

[**SEUNGWOO** looks wounded.]

**SEUNGYOUN: **This is why I didn't want to tell you!

**SEUNGWOO: **Did you lie to everyone else too...?

**SEUNGYOUN:** ...er, no... 

**SEUNGWOO:** Ha... 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Hyung, I had to bribe everyone not to tell you. Byungchan, to this day, makes me buy him coffee every time we meet up, while threatening to tell you the truth otherwise.

**SEUNGWOO: **You could have told me. [He's smiling again, close-lipped. <strike>Fond?</strike>] 

**SEUNGYOUN: **You just looked really proud when I told you I passed. Have you seen yourself? You're hard to want to disappoint. 

**SEUNGWOO: **I wouldn't have been that disappointed... 

**WHEN DID YOU START DATING?**

**SEUNGWOO:** My birthday? Two years ago. Christmas eve. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **It wasn't New Year's?

**SEUNGWOO: **No, it was on my birthday. You were drunk, and you—

**SEUNGYOUN: **Ah! Ah! Okay! I remember! Don't! [He's laughing, but his ears are a bright red.] 

**HOW DID YOU START DATING?**

**SEUNGYOUN: **Ugh. 

**SEUNGWOO: **You can say it if you want. I won't say anything if you stretch the truth. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Ugh. 

**SEUNGWOO: **Seungyoun was drunk—

**SEUNGYOUN: **Ugh... 

**SEUNGWOO: **It was my birthday. I think maybe around two or three in the morning. He was drunk and he called me to let me know he was outside my apartment. It was really cold that day. Might even have been snowing. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't wearing enough layers. Looked like he was freezing to death, but he had this huge, goofy smile on his face. He told me, "Happy birthday, hyung! I want to be your gift!" 

**SEUNGYOUN: **It... made sense at the time. In my head. 

**SEUNGWOO: **He startled rambling about how he wanted to be the first person to wish me a happy birthday—which he wasn't, sorry—and how he'd spent weeks trying to figure out what to get me. I think at some point, I just... kissed him. Made him come inside and stay the night—

**SEUNGYOUN: **How scandalous of you! [His ears are still red.]

**SEUNGWOO: **I slept on the couch, you know.

**SEUNGYOUN: **I know.

**SEUNGWOO: **We talked in the morning. That was how we started dating. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **For a good few months into our relationship, I liked to pretend I didn't know how it happened. 

**SEUNGWOO: **Because you were embarrassed?

**SEUNGYOUN: **Just a little.

**SEUNGWOO: **Sometimes I forget you're capable of feeling embarrassed.

**SEUNGYOUN: **Very rarely! Usually around you!

**WHEN DID YOU BREAK UP?**

**SEUNGYOUN: **About six months ago. 

[They meet eyes again. **SEUNGYOUN** looks away first.]

**SEUNGWOO: **Yeah. Feels like ages. 

**WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SPOKE?**

**SEUNGYOUN: **My birthday. Almost two months ago?

**SEUNGWOO: **Couldn't make it to the party. I was working. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **You missed out. Byungchan gave me a really bad lap-dance.

**SEUNGWOO: **It was bad?

**SEUNGYOUN: **He started crying halfway in because he was drunk and missed Sejun 

**SEUNGWOO: **That sounds bad.

**SEUNGYOUN: **It was the thought that counted.

**SEUNGWOO: **We still have the same friend group, so it's hard not to talk. It's a good thing. I don't know. I think life would be weird if Seungyoun wasn't around.

**SEUNGYOUN: **I'm irreplaceable. 

[They exchange glances. **SEUNGYOUN** tries to hold back a laugh. **SEUNGWOO** raises a brow.]

**WHY DID YOU BREAK UP?**

**SEUNGYOUN: **I... [He trails off. There's a wrinkle between his brows, the vaguest hint of confusion, frustration.] 

**SEUNGWOO: **We were in different places. Mentally, emotionally... 

**SEUNGYOUN: **I broke up with him. 

**SEUNGWOO: **...yeah. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Not that hyung wasn't the perfect boyfriend or anything, but... It's like he said. We weren't on the same page. 

**SEUNGWOO: **I didn't fight it. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **You didn't. [The smile on his lips looks a little tight.] I don't think I expected you to, though. 

**SEUNGWOO: **What was it you said again? You said you felt like—

**SEUNGYOUN: **You didn't know how to let people love you.

**SEUNGWOO: **Right.

[The silence that follows is long. **SEUNGYOUN **seems contemplative. **SEUNGWOO** looks at **SEUNGYOUN.** Before the next question comes up, **SEUNGWOO** speaks again.] 

**SEUNGWOO: **You were right. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Looking back, I guess I was a little selfish. I just... didn't know if I could teach you. To let me love you, I mean.

**SEUNGWOO: **I know. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **It wasn't because I didn't love you.

**SEUNGWOO: **Of course.

**SEUNGYOUN: **You were just... 

**SEUNGWOO: **Hard to read?

**SEUNGYOUN: **Yeah. And the longer we dated, the harder you were to read. I'd see little glimpses of you being... vulnerable, for lack of a better word, but you'd kind of crawl back into your shell as soon as I noticed. It wasn't a bad thing. I didn't mind. I liked it when you were honest about how tired you were, or how scared you were, or how uncertain you felt. I didn't want you to feel like you had to be in control of yourself all of the time.

**SEUNGWOO: **I... I'm not really good at relying on people.

**SEUNGYOUN: **No way? [He grins.]

**SEUNGWOO: **I was worse then. I'm trying to be better. You were my exception.

**SEUNGYOUN: **I was the exception?

**SEUNGWOO: **Hard to believe, I know. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **I regretted it a lot. 

**SEUNGWOO: **You did?

**SEUNGYOUN: **Yeah

**SEUNGWOO: **...good. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Good?

**SEUNGWOO: **I did too. [The same smile: close-lipped.] I always beat myself up for not holding onto you tighter. You didn't really elaborate much when you said you wanted to break up and I didn't really ask. I was scared to know. But I knew. I had a good idea of why. I could have held onto you, promised you I'd be better. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Why didn't you?

**SEUNGWOO: **Because you were right. I didn't really know how to let someone as bright as you love me. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Wow, you're laying it on thick, hyung.

**SEUNGWOO: **[A tiny breath of a laugh slips out. He leans back in his seat, slouching a little.] I mean it. There were a lot of times I wanted to ask you if we could start over. I didn't. Not because I stopped loving you, but because I wanted to be better before we found each other again. 

**SEUNGYOUN: **Very Disney of you.

**SEUNGWOO: **You don't like Disney?

**SEUNGYOUN: **I never said that!

**SEUNGWOO: **I'm sorry. I should have apologized sooner. It must have been hard.

**SEUNGYOUN: **You apologizing makes it even harder. [It's meant to be a joke, but the atmosphere between them is heavy.]

[**SEUNGWOO**'s gaze stays on **SEUNGYOUN**. There is an unreadable expression in his eyes, and he stares like he's searching for something.]

**SEUNGWOO: **It'd make me happy if you were happy, Seungyoun. 

**PUT YOUR HEADPHONES ON. YOUR PARTNER WILL NOT HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.  
** **WHAT'S ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO THE YOU OF SIX MONTHS AGO?**

**SEUNGYOUN: **This is sooooo cheesy. [He must get a warning glance from the **DIRECTOR**, because **SEUNGYOUN **makes a face before trailing off into a snicker.] I'm not sure. Maybe... 'Sleep on it.' 

[From across him, **SEUNGWOO** looks curious.]

**SEUNGYOUN:** Don't be impulsive. Ask him to push back. Ask him to—Ask him to say 'I love you' one last time. 

[**SEUNGWOO**'s expression flickers. <strike>He almost looks sad?</strike>]

**SEUNGYOUN: **'Sleep on it. Think about it. Don't jump into it if you aren't sure because you're really going to miss him.' [He scratches his cheek.] 'You're just scared you're dragging him along. Be honest. Tell him you'll wait for him.' [He lets out a soft shudder, a sigh. A sheepish laugh.] 'Don't apologize.' 

[Someone off-screen gestures to **SEUNGWOO**.]

**SEUNGWOO:** Just one thing? 

[**SEUNGYOUN** is looking off to the side.] 

**SEUNGWOO:** [He smiles softly, apologetically.] 'You love him too much to let him go.' [His gaze is fixed on the side of Seungyoun's face, warm.] 'You'll love him for a long time. Might never stop.' 

[The video ends anti-climactically. **SEUNGWOO **lets **SEUNGYOUN** pull him into a hug.]

**SEUNGWOO: **Be healthy. Take care of yourself.

**SEUNGYOUN: **You too, hyung. I'll mi—I'll see you. 

**SEUNGWOO: **I'll see you. Oh, and Seungyoun?

**SEUNGYOUN: **Huh?

**SEUNGWOO: **Be happy. 

* * *

_***xy94 wrote:omg did anyone else see the way the guy on the left was looking at seungyoun the whole time???? ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ _

_ejy**** wrote: i thought this was going to be interesting but now im crying, fuck_

_wsws** wrote: can we get a follow-up vid??? did they get back together?????_

_nycxx wrote: can we get eng subs please..._

_99reds**: Exes?? Aren't they still in love? it's so obvious lol_

* * *

**Kim Wooseok**

(23:07) hey sorry again for the last min favor  
(23:09) did you have time to transcribe the vid?   
(23:10) seungyoun??   
(23:10) why are you so quiet all of a sudden?

**Kim Wooseok**

(23:15) im guessing your silence means you did   
(23:16) i wish you watched it sooner   
(23:18) did you read the comments?   
(23:19) they're not wrong   
(23:19) nvm that's not important 

**Kim Wooseok**

(23:25) seungyoun  
(23:25) you should really talk to him 

* * *

The dial tone clicks. From the other end of the call, a voice filters in, bleary, fuzzy with sleep. "Hello?' 

"Hi," Seungyoun breathes out. There's a lump in his throat, butterflies in his stomach. It feels like Christmas Eve all over again—and if Seungyoun squints, he could probably imagine the snow sticking to his hair. _Cold._ "It's Seungyoun."

"Seungyoun?" He can't remember the last time he called Seungwoo like this. "Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah, everything's okay. Everything's—everything's okay, _now_." The phone in his hand shakes. Maybe it's his hand that's shaking. Seungyoun lets out a nervous laugh. "Can we talk? About us? Again?" 

Pin-drop silence. Over the phone, Seungyoun can make out the silhouette, the outline, of the tiny sigh of relief from Seungwoo's end of the call.

"Yeah, let's. I'd like that." 

**Author's Note:**

> yes, this was originally posted on anon.


End file.
